After being at home for SEVERAL days now with a very sick baby. I woke up super discouraged this morning to find Zane and Bryce were now dealing with the never ending germs around here. I have cleaned. I have Lysoled. Mostly, I just needed out of the house! So, after I made lunch for everyone, my gracious husband said he could handle things and off I escaped for some window shopping therapy.
I spent time walking and praying and became shocked how quickly I lose my contentment. Yesterday especially, I was feeling useless. Like I wasn't accomplishing anything and frustrated that I couldn't get out and do what I wanted. During my little refresher away from home today, God again reminded me how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with our children. They won't be here long and they definitely won't be this young for long. What a privilege to be able to hold and comfort my daughter for several days without worrying about how to fit it into my schedule. I want to remember these days when I'm older. Remember holding Zane and Gemma's precious hands in mine and looking into those bright blue eyes. Remember feeding and bathing and comforting. And smile with such joy that I was there for those moments.
So, I started confessing to the Lord my loss of joy and discontentment with my situation the last few days. I also found other areas where Satan had robbed me of joy recently. Why does it happen so easily? Something as simple as Bryce and I going out to eat a couple of weeks ago. We had saved up some money. We went to a nice restaurant, known for a quality meal and didn't receive one. My attitude after we left reflected my feelings about the meal. I robbed myself of some precious alone time with my husband. So silly. Oh and I'm not finished yet... Then there was the discouraging comment to my husband from a church goer. We are so blessed to be at a church that is so supportive. We honestly receive such wonderful feedback from people regularly. And yet I have been dwelling on an insignificant amount of negativity.
Father, please forgive me for my attitude. For losing my contentment and joy in the midst of my everyday. I am so thankful for your love and your provision in and through my family. The joy of the Lord is my strength.
"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6
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1 comment:
I'm understanding of the "Joy Stealer". It often seems like my faith ebbs and flows, and I wonder why. I think to myself "Have I let sin creep into my life in a way that I am losing my joy?" But I don't think that is it, I think it is just a part of our walk with the Lord. Just as our relationship with our husband will not always be in that "fireworks" stage, sometimes my faith isn't always full of sparks and I find myself needing a definite change of attitude! It especially hurts when a church goer says something, I can relate with working in the nursery, we get our share of "negative feedback". But I have to remind myself that we serve the Lord and the little ones and it isn't either one that's giving the negative feedback.
Thanks for sharing, it helps me to know I'm normal.
I love your blog, the Dr. Seuss one was funny!
Anne
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