Cloudy with a Chance of Venom

The last few days I feel like a little cloud is following me around everywhere I go. Every once in a while the sun peaks through, only to be hazed over again at a moments notice.

My family knows when something is wrong with me, because I get very quiet. I guess I subconsciously go by the motto, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." There is a problem with that though, because there is a chance that frustration will build up great enough that eventually I explode and spew venom all over.

As it would be, my life group is studying the spiritual discipline of controlling the tongue. And wouldn't you know in the first two days, I have failed miserably. And just in case you thought I was perfect, here's some evidence to the contrary...

I had a catering job last week. My parents came into to town to help out, which was such a blessing. During one of the more hectic moments of the catering job (when the food is going out), someone came into the kitchen and requested a favor. Something a little more involved than say..."Is there any salt?". I was the only one in the kitchen when this happened, however my Mom was coming back in during the conversation and after it was over, she came over to say how nice I was. I'm thankful that my response was kind, but I'm afraid it was probably more that I was in shock and fortunately what came out of my mouth was positive. Although my actions and words to this person appeared pleasant, I found several opportunities to mock the situation to my family later.

One of the reflection questions in our life group study is, "How do you speak about others when they are not around?" I wouldn't have thought this question to sting so much. I hate gossip. But it did sting. Even though my negative words may have only been to my spouse, the lesson is the same. I heard my Mom's words in my heart, "You were so nice." ...Not really...

Then there was yesterday. I woke up and the cloud was already there. My back hurt, I was nauseated, I couldn't drink the decaf cup of coffee that I wanted so badly. I was irritated by being "stuck" at home, because we only have one functioning vehicle right now. And did I mention I'm hormonal? Bryce called from work to tell me he had a meeting all evening, so he thought he would take a couple of hours off in the afternoon. (Rather than being grateful for the quality time we were about to have as a family in the afternoon, I was frustrated because I had already planned dinner and now things were not going as I had planned) We all played outside and he and the kids washed the cars. It was actually the bright spot of my day. Here is where the haze of clouds came rolling back in. I decided I was bound and determined to get us to eat together before Bryce left. So I went flitting inside and began preparing dinner as fast as possible. It was a little more time intensive than it needed to be, but I was trying to wait to go grocery shopping later in the week, in order to give Bryce the car the days he needed it, so I was having to get creative. We had stuff for spaghetti, but no hamburger, so I decided to make homemade chicken nuggets. Bryce not realizing the chaos that I had created in the kitchen, sent the kids inside so that he could get everything cleaned up outside. Me, not realizing Bryce was looking out for our children's safety by sending them inside, only saw 2 very wet and dirty kids enter the house running, leaving a messy trail behind. (I was mad now, but focused on maintaining a civil dinner for everyone before Bryce left for the evening...after all that is what I had planned!) I now had 30 minutes. I stripped both kids by the door, sent Zane down to get dressed and I went to change Gemma, while hollering out the door to Bryce that dinner was almost ready. As I'm finishing Gemma, I hear the pasta boiling over and run to the kitchen to avoid disaster. I get dinner on the table and the kid's food cut up as needed. This is when I discover that Gemma has taken everything out of Bryce's billfold on the floor and has taken his church security tag and dunked it in my glass of ice tea. As I'm cleaning up her mess, Zane asks me what's for dinner. I tell him and he responds, "I wish we were having meatballs instead of chicken nuggets." (Steam was rolling off my head at this point, I'm certain.) I calmly stated, "let's be grateful for what we have", and headed out to find Bryce. He is peacefully watering the garden for me, which I am not "grateful" for, because I wanted him to be hurrying inside for us to eat together. And here is where I could no longer control my tongue. I barked at him to come inside. He quickly came in and genuinely concerned, asked me "What's wrong honey?". Here enters the Venom. I loudly told them all what was wrong, pretty much the story you've just read, from beginning to end. Then I marched off in tears, embarressed...and we didn't all eat together.

It's easy to blame my hormones for all my problems these days. It's also easy to forget in my busy day the agony my Savior went through on the cross...and much leading up to that. It seems He could have been allowed plenty of venom. His words, however, were completely selfless. He asked God to forgive those who were so mercilessly tormenting Him.

"A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul." Proverbs 18:7
"Gracious speech is like clover honey - good taste to the soul, quick energy for the body." Proverbs 16:24